I'm bald. For the first time in my 43 years on this rock I have no hair. Technically it was a decision but I'd describe it more as a compulsion. I didn't have much choice. It felt routine though I'd never done it before.

I walked north from my house to the Canadian Tire. It was an hour and fifteen minute walk. The morning sun on my back was a pleasant distraction. I didn't time it right, arriving twenty five minutes before they opened.

I sat on the curb and waited. It was the nicest part of my week, to have to sit and do nothing for twenty five minutes. No one to make conversation with, no paper to read, no TV to flip on, nothing to do but sit and wonder. It's something I realized I never do. I had no idea what it was like to sit and allow myself to do nothing, to let the silence free up some of my head for other things.

I thought of so much in those twenty five minutes. I thought of my job, my co-workers, my boss, my work area. I talked with my mom. I sang a song with my dad. I chased my nephew around the tree lined park. I kissed a childhood sweetheart. I smiled as my nephew rolled his blue eyes at me. I almost cried when I told my brother for the first time how much I love him. I've already told him how much I hate him.

I was overwhelmed by the strength of these emotions, the power of simply doing nothing. It made me wonder where they'd come from or where they'd been hiding. I recalled high school physics, or was it chemistry, and the one lesson that stuck with me, that energy can't be created. It can only be transferred or transformed or something.

If emotions are just energy then where did these come from? Or where would they have ended up? I thought of the two movies I rented last Friday. One had some lady who looked familiar in it, the other had that guy who played spider-man. I cried during both. Is that where my emotions go? TV and movies are just an outlet for this energy I don't allow out other ways? I do love that host of amazing race.

"Hey, excuse me."

"Ya."

"Store's open if that's what you're waiting on."

"Oh, ya, thanks."

I bought a pair of clippers for $35. They came with combs, oil, and even a VHS cassette I'm assuming shows you how to cut someone's hair. Shaving my head wasn't what I'd expected. I pictured it being like mowing a lawn, one pass and that part was done. After trying with the new clippers for a while, I switched to the scissors, using them to cut away the bulk of my hair by the handful. After that I went back to the clippers with more success.

After the clippers I covered my head with shaving cream which was fun. I left it on for a bit, shaping it into different helmets and a munster haircut for the mirror. After I'd cleaned it off with a disposable bic I couldn't keep my hands off my head. It was unreal feeling, like touching a stranger yet feeling the touch.

The phone rang and I ignored it for the hundredth time. I showered for the second time today. I was curious how the water would feel like on my new head, my newly uncovered head. I cleaned my hair out of the drain only to find my new bald self sitting on the floor crying with a filthy handful of drain hair clenched in my right hand. This is why I was now bald, the hair was from my first shower of the day. It seemed all my hair was dropping from it's anchors. I had no control. I found control and took it back with my $35 clippers. The phone rang again and this time I picked it up as it sat beside me red-faced.

"Hello?"

"Jane? Jane, is that you?"

"Yes."

"Oh god, where the hell have you been? Are you safe?"

"Safe? I'm safe, I cut my hair."

"You what?"

"I cut my hair."

"That's great but you weren't home when I came to pick you up for work, do you know what time it is?"

"Time? No, should I wait outside?"

"No, it's too late now, it's almost 11:30. I can pick you up at lunch but I'm not sure you'll have a job when you get here."

"Ok, that's okay, it was quiet for a while and I liked that."